In life, we have come across times where everything falls into the palms of our hands but we have also come across times where we are given ultimatums. The most common one among women in the UAE is marriage or a career? I say this because this is the most commonly asked question amongst families and friends. “Did you graduate yet? What do you think of doing once you’re finished with university? Are you thinking of working or are you just going to stay at home?” and by stay at home they mean settle down. While some women have the option of choosing both, others don’t. According to the 2005 Census and the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research, women account for about 50 percent of the population and over 70 percent of graduates in the UAE and today they are taking over vital positions in both the private and public sector and we can see this leading to more women having a sense of independence without needing the support of their families or a husband, but does that necessarily mean that they would have to remain standing alone?

Back in the day, and by that I mean 20 years or so ago, women got married at the age of 18 if not earlier. My grandmother would constantly tell me how times are changing now and how back then, working was not even an option. Most women didn’t even have a choice when it came to marriage; it was something they had to do. If they didn’t, they were somewhat sidelined from society and singled out. They would label them as “not marriage material” or “having too strong of a personality to be handled”. Time has evolved since then and now women have a choice when it comes to who they want to marry and making a career of what they love. It has become common and acceptable.

Growing up, I’ve made several friends, who like me are local woman. Some have gotten married straight out of high school and carried on with their education later, taking the prospect of having a career out of the picture. Others carried on to acquiring a bachelor degree and these women can be divided into two categories. One category place having a career as a priority in their lives, the others place marriage as a higher priority. The reason I categorize them as such is because these are the women I’ve gotten to know.

For example, a friend of mine who has recently graduated from one of the leading universities in the UAE and whose story is similar to several other women I know, has a bachelor degree but has no desire in pursuing a career. I wondered why, being a well-accomplished woman who spoke several languages, she wouldn’t want to go on to the next step. She said “The next step for me is marriage, having a career might ruin my prospects of marriage in a sense and if I had to choose between being a successful working woman or having a family, I would choose the latter.” Another woman I’ve spoken to about the same matter said, “The men in my family as well as others I’m sure, would rather have a stay at home wife and someone to come home to who isn’t tired or overloaded. If I want to get married, I can’t have a career.” Some would say “Women of a certain standard don’t have that choice because we don’t really need a career, we have our degrees as a sense of security but we don’t have to work because we don’t need to. We do need to get married though, that’s how it has always been.”

On the other hand, I see women every day that have flourishing careers in different sectors who would say, “If I was put into the position of making a choice, I wouldn’t make one. Who says we can’t have both?” or “If someone wants to commit to you, they accept you, for all that you are without setting any limitations. They would be proud to see you make it and accomplish something!”

In reality, it’s not just one or the other. We see women everyday that are happily married and are also successful, whether it’s by creating their own business or by doing what they love. At times it may seem ‘black and white’ when we know of so many women that want to have a career but fear that by having one, they’d end up alone, but on the greener side, we have the working women of today. Like every other aspect of life, it varies from person to person, depending on their circumstances or what they really want to achieve in the end.